Paige VanZant told Austin Vanderford she “didn’t want to live anymore” following loss at BKFC 19

Paige VanZant (8-5 MMA, 0-2 BKF) was in a dark place following her loss to Rachael Ostovich at last months BKFC 19 event.

The former UFC standouts, VanZant and Ostovich, collided for a second time on July 23, this after ‘PVZ’ had earned a submission victory in the pairs first encounter.

Unfortunately for Paige VanZant, history did not repeat itself last month. Instead, Rachael Ostovich was able to outpoint ’12 Gauge’ for the majority of their bare knuckle boxing match, resulting in a unanimous decision win for the Hawaiian.

It was a heartbreaking loss for VanZant, a setback which marked her third in a row and fifth in her past six contests overall.

“When I walked out of the ring, I didn’t just walk to my locker room, I literally walked all the way outside and I just went and cried in the parking lot by myself,” Paige VanZant revealed on her new video blog series (h/t MMAFighting). “I said some things to my husband that are pretty terrible about like my mental state. I told him I didn’t want to live anymore, that this wasn’t for me anymore. Like life wasn’t for me anymore so I was disappointed, It was hard.”

Image via @paigevanzant on Instagram

Paige VanZant continued and explained how online abuse has resulted in her struggles with mental health.

“I’m bummed out, bummed out to say the least. Everyone expects me to lose and everyone expects me to fail. I don’t know, I just feel like people have this specific perception of who I am and especially online. It’s crazy how much people can hate on a single person. I just don’t get it. I pride myself of being a good person. I think that’s the most important thing for me. I never talk bad about my opponents. I never say a single negative thing about their character. You never know what somebody’s going through. You never know what someone’s on the verge of.”

Paige VanZant went on to discuss how her husband Austin Vanderford’s success has kept her motivated.

“It can be hard when Austin and I are married and he keeps winning and I keep losing but honestly him and his success is the only thing that keeps me going,” VanZant explained. “Because I do feel like we win together. His next fight will be for a title and I know he’s going to win. I just know how good it’s going to feel for him and for me and I’m so happy. I’m so proud of him. His title fight to look forward makes it all worth it and makes me feel a little better.”

BKFC President David Feldman has already said that he plans on giving Paige VanZant one final opportunity to get a win under his fight banner. When or whom that contest will come against remains unclear at this time.